Where is a Woman’s Place?
Okay, so I received many emails about my poll the other day on who does more…husbands or wives. Apparently, people thought I was complaining about what we wives have to do, however, this is not the case. This is what I said at the end…”I’m not complaining of what I have to do…I do feel it’s my job as a wife to do all this and more, what I’m complaining about is being unrecognized for everything I do and recognized for everything I don’t do.
I would like to elaborate on this matter. This may ruffle a few more feathers but I want to make it clear on where I stand.
I strongly believe that a woman’s place is at home. I am applying this towards couples with children. I think it’s great that women have all these rights today and can be financially independent BUT if there were more women who stayed home and raised their children and took care of their husbands, things would be a lot better. I know there are going to be women who will say “why can’t we do both?”…well, you can, but I feel that something or someone will be deprived somehow.
Let me explain~~If a woman works, most likely she is going to give it her all at work..she has to in order to get respect and keep her job. By the time she gets off work she will more likely be tired and won’t tend to ALL the needs that her husband and children need. Working can make you tired and cranky and any kind of venting will be towards the family in one fashion or another. Will she have time to cook supper for everyone or is she going to pick something up a fast food place or even zap something in the microwave?..hmmm good! Will she feel like playing, talking, helping the kids with homework, or will she just want to get a few things done and do something for herself? Can she take off work to see her kids in their programs, award assemblies, help with parties, and see them in their sports activities? Probably not. And what about the husband. Too tired for sex??…making love to your husband and making him feel like a man…that is also part of a wife’s job. Meeting his physical and mental needs are essential to a marriage.
My kids can remember every function I have been to for them and know that they can count on me to be wherever, whenever they need me. My husband knows that he and the kids come first. Can you working mothers say the same??
Obviously, this won’t apply to EVERY mother/family, but I really do believe mothers should stay home and raise their kids with morals & values. Kids and marriage today have come to an all time low and I think it’s due to mothers/wives not doing their most important job that they were born to do.
For the record, I am 31, married for 14 yrs, and mother of 3 kids…8mth, 11 & 13yrs.
I received a comment and decided to respond with a new post. You can read it here.
>
I agree with you to an extent…. Problem with that is this…. Most families need TWO incomes to survive these days. Everything is expensive. Gas is ridiculous… I personally stay home with my kids, for similiar reasons to yours. I don’t want someone else raising my children, (daycare,etc), I want to be able to give my full attention to my family. I feel that it is my job and my duty. I think alot of the problems that kids have these days are because moms have to work….. but, I also know families that have moms that work, and yet, they can do it ALL!!!!!!! They are stressed just as you say…. but they can do it. I am definately happy being at home, and I would hope that I could stay at home for a while, but, I’m doubting that will happen. Daycare is expensive also, so basically you have to make lots of money to send your kids to daycare, or GET LUCKY… I think I will blog about this myself…. I have sooooo much to say on this….
NIKKI
Great comment..I agree the money can be an issue, however, we have been in a situation where bring home was 734.00. Of course, that means sacrifice elsewhere but it can be done.
Thanks for your comment…
Others are welcomed.
i sooooo think the same thing… i have been a working mum and a stay at home mum … i was working when my daughter was little and there were many things i could not go to or do with her and thankfully it was a short time only a couple of years …
with my next child, when he was 2yrs old his dad and i swapped positions and he stayed home and i went to work … it worked fine …
now i stay home and my hubby works … while i’m very lucky that he is such a giving man and things in that area are pretty good
if we were anywhere else than here in new zealand and in the country we would both have to work or he would have 2jobs just for us to survive….
i believe that married women should be paid to stay at home and raise their kids and also the single women who have kids should go to work and be paid subsidy by government to have their kids minded by home based childcare married women with kids of their own and values and family life will be instilled in them … this would take care of the single women having babies so they get paid for staying home instead of working … and married women wouldn’t need to go out into the workforce and single women would have those jobs …..
its all so simple but government won’t take up the issue….
there are ways to look atand it is you who sees the things you want to see.
Hmmm.. well, no, I for one would never say “Why can’t we do both?” because I don’t have kids and have never wanted any!
I stay at home because this is where i work. My partner goes OUT to work.
As for housework, I stick a list on the fridge door at the start of the week. When a job gets done it gets ticked off. We each do what we can.
Just a few house rules:
one person cooks, the other washes up. The roles change over, but the rule stays!
And he irons his own stuff. When we moved in together, we discovered that neither of us really knew how to iron a shirt. Well, they’re HIS shirts, so he learnt how to iron them.
Actually, he hardly ever bothers anyway!
He tends to slip into not doing his share, but I remind him. I’m not a housekeeper, and I’m not his mother. And I won’t take on those roles!
I can well understand when a woman has a kid but still wants to work. Even if there is no financial need for her to. If I had spent years getting qualified there is no way I’d stay at home and vegetate. But then, kids just don’t do it for me. If you like them enough to have them, maybe they should be your priority…
You know, if we could make it without me working I wouldn’t work. But we can’t, and right now we barely live above the poverty line. It sucks. I hate working. I spend 12 hours a day working. I don’t want to, but if I don’t we won’t eat. We don’t own a house or car. We don’t spend any money on stupid crap.
To that point, if anyone wants to support me and mine, I’ll gladly quit working. But since nobody has sent me a million dollars yet, I’m gonna work.
Oh, and btw–over half of the corporate career women are childless. Most women who work are at middle to poverty levels.
For many, work is not a choice. It is a must.
My children do not lack in morals or values because I work. That is ridiculous. People who do not pay attention to thier kids–working or not working—are the families that lack morals and values.
I get so sick of women who stay at home trying to justify their existence by touring that the world would be a better place if all women followed in their footsteps. What a bunch of garbage. Let me paint a picture of them good ol’ days when women actually did stay at home. I’ll even give you a true story about my own grandmother.
She was a pastors daughter and married my grandfather whom she met in college. My great grandfather only paid for her to go to college for one year because he felt it was a significant enough amount of time for her to land a husband – and she did. My grandfather cheated on her from the onset of their marriage and she had no escape from it as she had 4 children and no job skills other than those a maid would have. She was miserable the rest of her life until she died. My great aunt was in a similar situation. She wanted to be a Pediatrician – loved children – but my uncle didn’t want her any place but under his control. It was a relief to her when he died after 20 or so years of marriage.
I am a mother of 2 fantastic kids. I work fulltime and make a great living and so does my husband. In fact, I don’t have to work. But I do because I enjoy the financial freedom, the work itself, making worthwhile contributions to society and for the security knowing that if god forbid something ever happened to my husband, I wouldn’t be whoring myself trying to scratch out a living to support my children.
I find it amusing that people (men especially) are trying to push so hard the “beauty” of motherhood and that rah rah rah and how important it is to stay at home with kids. Well, if it’s so very honorable and important, they can get off their butt and stay home with their own kids and give up their careers, hopes, dreams, ambitions and otherwise lives. They can trade it all in for raising children.
I somehow think it’s better for BOTH parents to be equal custodians of the children they created together and demonstrate how important it is to be able to take care on oneself by both parents holding down jobs. And no, my kids aren’t in daycare (which there is nothing wrong with). I work days and my husband works nights so we both participate in the raising of our children.
Men get an automatic station of priveledge in life. They get to make a way for themselves, realize their hopes and dreams, have a wife and kids with minimal personal and career sacrifice. Women get the drudgery. I for one will not sit by quietly and accept my “position” in life. I made something of myself. And my children are going to be better for it.
Lilith
[...] one, it DOES work. On my personal blog, “A Cowboy’s Wife”, I wrote about where a woman’s place is. Woohoo! Now that created a bit of noise, in fact, I had to do a follow up on it. But what [...]
[...] like letting him wear the pants and be the man (or think it;) and me being the woman. I think my job as a wife to take care of the house, stay home and raise the children, and make sure my family has what they [...]
I agree with majority of what you wrote. I am currently transitioning from staying at home to working part time. I think one thing alot of women leave out on the topic is how lonely it gets to be a SAHM. I dreamnt it would be great. Just me and my boys. My mom never got to stay with us so i thought surely that’s why i’m the way i am. Turns out, I strongly disliked. Not just the early mornings or the late nights. But the whining, the lack of family support, the stress of finances, (even when you cut out alot of luxuries) and the lack of friends or moms like you. I have gone out and joined many clubs for moms but it all seemed fake and sometimes judgemental. I have found myself to be a better mom andperson when i started working. Of course i’m tired but i’m not overwhelmed by having kids all day long and no outlet. My marriage hasn’t suffered. I still talk to my husband and spend time with him. I think if you can stay at home then do it. But don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you absolutely need to stay at home for the rest of your childbearing years to be a woman or a good mom. I am slowly learning that. Or maybe i wasn’t cut out to be a SAHM or a mom even. at any rate, i have two little precious boys to raise up and see that they are protected and loved.
this is alot of bs…which cave do you live in? it’s unbelievable that for every step fwd that we women take – the likes of you make us take 10 back!! how much does your husband make?? you must be in the rich percentile…the rest of us need to have both parents work in order for our children to do what yours are able to do/have. and what’s with this “making love to your husband and making him feel like a man…that is also part of a wife’s job.” nonsense?? that’s insane! so what we have to lie there and let him do what he wants, cuz it’s our “job”?? like sweeping and doing the laundry? wow, that’s exciting.
i’m glad i have an open-minded husband who loves both me & our son so very much that he is willing to work from home so that i am able to work a job (not the kind described above) that provides us with a good income & benefits. put that in your blueberry pancakes.
and just so we’re clear: i would never be a stay-at-home mom. even if i were rich, i would work even if only part-time, and have a nanny for when i was not home. i was born with a brain, something i intend to use for things other than making cookies & changing diapers.
also: my mother was a stay-at-home mom. she loved it. those who stay at home & love it, should keep doing so. those who work, should keep working. feminism is all about choices. WE choose what to do – not society, and certainly not some man who thinks its our “job” to do anything…
peace.
Obviously you lack maturity…so sad.
I think it is sad that you judge people who must or choose (YES CHOOSE) to work after having children. I scaled back working recently after learning that I am being blessed with a second child. I will continue to work part time after my child is born. I worked hard to become a professional in my field, and don’t want to give that up. Plus I still owe student loans that continue to need to be repaid. I did notice that you married very young, maybe that changed your perspective on things. I personally would not judge you for staying home, but you judge me for working. How sad.
Please email me. Thanks.
I am a stay at home mommy. I’ve been home full time for the past four years and plan to stay home until my son leaves for kindy. Who knows, I might wake up tomorrow and decide staying home just isn’t working for the family anymore.
I’ll keep you posted. ;)
Oh…I posted this on the other site and wanted to share this on yours:
You know I got love for you so, it’s NOTHING personal towards you–
I think we all can learn and live by this too ;)
In order not to offend anyone, just state what YOU’RE doing and what’s working for YOUR family.
Judgements come in when we say things like, “we don’t see how such and such can do such and such.”
We all do what we have to do and what we feel are in the best interest of our families.
Let’s ALWAYS keep in mind, What works for ONE family might NOT work for another. There are NO right or wrong ways. Whatever way YOU choose to take care of YOUR family is what matters. Let’s ALWAYS keep that in mind.
Ding!
You’re now free to move about the country!
There is no “place” for a woman. That’s what feminism has been fighting for all these years. If you are lucky enough to have the choice (which most families don’t), as a woman, we can now choose whether to have a fulfilling career or stay at home with our children. Be happy if you have that decision to make, why make someone feel bad that they chose differently?
Women are all different. We can’t be stereotyped. That’s also what feminism has fought against. You can’t say that all women would prefer to be at home with their children. All women are not fulfilled in the same way. The same choice cannot be right for every woman when we are so vastly different.
Why can’t people just live their lives, make their own decisions and stop being so judgemental of everyone else?
And why don’t men get the same kind of razzing for working, leaving their children without the love and learning that a stay at home dad could bring to the equation?