Do Cheater Victims Deserve It?

HELL NO!  Of course they don’t because cheating men are bastards, however, there a couple of exceptions that could possible prevent cheaters from straying.  As promised to my twitter friends, I said I would explain the latter and that’s why I’m here.  Before I do though, I’d like to say that I’m writing this because of an article written at MomLogic who by the way WON’T publish my comment!

Call it cave man times or whatever you want but here it goes…….

I’ve said this before but I’m gonna say it again since I have so many new readers.  I knew a lady once that was married for many years until she found out that he was cheating on her.  They were a lovely family, hard working, and she was a beautiful woman.  But there were intimacy issues…no intimacy.  She never felt like it because she was too tired, etc…all the normal women excuses.  They never had meaningful conversations…yada, yada, yada.   So they split and things moved on.  One day, I was at her house watching her fold laundry when she held up these g-string panties.  She  told me that ever since the divorce, she started buying  these sexy things, was going out dancing, etc.  I asked her if she had ever wore those for him and why they didn’t go dancing….she just said she didn’t know why.  All I could think about was maybe if she had wore that sexy lingerie, played under the covers a little more, and went out dancing with her man, that she’d still have him.  Not always the case I realize but could have changed some things possibly.

UH OH!  I can see you ladies getting MAD!  I’m not saying it’s all the women’s fault.  Just sayin’ that– why would a man want to get the hots over a woman who’s in sweats, unbrushed hair, or who is SO tired or complains daily .  Fix yourselves up every day…for crying out loud, it only takes a few minutes.  Don’t gripe at him for stupid crap as soon as he walks through the door from work.  Make him want you so that he doesn’t go hunting for those unfulfilled needs elsewhere.

I’ve learned that the wife often sets the tone of the atmosphere for the day and in the marriage. If you welcome your husband home in a good mood and clean house, you’re more likely to have a happy day which helps for a happy marriage.

If you hand him the baby and starting griping as soon as he walks through the door, the day is shot to hell, everyone’s in a bad mood, which leads to unhappy marriages.

FOR YOU RELIGIOUS ONES THAT ARE NODDING YOUR HEAD…’s in the bible that we  wives should submit to our husbands.  Now, I don’t agree with that 100% really but I love the way Joyce Myers puts things, which is how I’m expressing this next statement.  It’s part of our job as a wife to fulfill our man’s needs whether that be emotionally and/or physically.  UNFORTUNATELY sex does play a big role in a marriage.  Men are pigs and they want it all the time.  Give it to them.  It relieves stress, it’s enjoyable, and they NEED it.  Sad but true.

I’M NOT SAYING THAT MEN don’t have any responsibility either!!!!! So don’t get your panties in a wad.  Just stressing that the majority of wives don’t do their part as much as they like to think. 

Women tend to complain and mostly about stuff that doesn’t matter.  They seem to always think they’re right too.  I personally think it’s nature.  Remember, you only live once.  Try to have a little fun in your marriage, don’t gripe day and night, fix yourself up, play under the covers (or on top) a little more, and trying having small meaningful conversations with your man.  They’re attention span is short so don’t get into those long drawed out ones;)

Okay…..I’m done…and ready to hear women yell at me.  But before you get all mad, remember that this is MY OPINION, the opinion of a woman who has been married for well over 15yrs.  I welcome your thoughts and opinions but please don’t be flat our rude or childish.  I mean really, we’re all grownups.

And for the record, I do know about my cheating men.  My mom was cheated from my real dad….she lives it with it always.  She’s happily married now and has been for years but just that thought of what he did to her, lingers in the back of her head today.  She’ll never forget or forgive.

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  1. anonymous says

    I think it’s important to think of your husband as that guy you wanted to get down and dirty with before the kids stole it all away and made you into boring parents.

    My husband looks nice for me, I look nice for my husband, and we tell each other almost every day, “I really like you.” or “You’re really fun.” Or something else that isn’t standard issue “I love you.”

    I find that I can’t talk to most of my friends about my relationship because they get crappy about it. Their relationships suck and no one wants to hear me bragging on my husband. So I brag to him in private and don’t talk smack about him to my friends.

    My husband and I have a saying, “Yea us! Boooo everyone else!” It’s a fun little thing that’s just between us, and we’re not wishing harm on other couples, but it’s about us being a team and succeeding. Not how others think of us or what their lives are about.

    We’re in it to win it. Our marriage, parenting, budgeting, finances, the whole nine yards. We want to get to the finish line together.

  2. says

    Okay, have to disagree with you here. My husband managed twice to go a year without sex due to pregnancy complications. He didn’t cheat and amazingly survived. :) So just because a man isn’t getting some in the bedroom is not a good reason to cheat.

    And with the commenter above said — So if a woman cheats, the man isn’t giving it enough to her?

    Lisas last blog post..Wednesdays Heros – Anniversary Edition

  3. A Cowboy's Wife says

    I have no opinion!..LOL I’ve only seen experiences with the opposite so I won’t comment on what I have no knowledge about:)

  4. A Cowboy's Wife says

    :) I didn’t mean for it to sound like it was so revolved around sex but it does I guess. And there are exceptions;) A year? Whew! Hang on to em’!

  5. says

    Marriage’s will not fail if the sex isn’t there like it used to be, they fall apart and men and women cheat because they don’t respect each other and the marriage. I could deny my hubby sex for a year, and he would NEVER cheat, I know this because I know him and I know he respects me and our children and the marriage. My husband is not a male pig…once we start saying things like that “all men are pigs” for example it gives the men who are cheating, lazy pigs a good excuse to behave in that manner. Lets not excuse men for bad behavior by condoning it with a lame stereotype, All men are not pigs…just the jerks whose wives let them get away with it.

    Its not my job as a wife to make everyone happy, that in my honest opinion is BS! My husband knows marriage is a two way street, one that both the husband and wife have to contribute to 100%, neither one is responsible for more than their fair share (of course there are times when one gives more than the other as needed)

    Fix yourself up girls!!! LOL Putting makeup on and having sex all the time with the hubby will not keep a man from straying. It will give a man prone to straying a lame excuse to do so. Both parties should look nice for each other and realize that they will see the worst of their wife/husband at times.

    Talking, communicating and being comfortable with and accepting your spouse and respecting them is what keeps a marriage strong and healthy.
    But as with the Author, this is just my opinion.
    I will be married 7 yrs this October.

    Mimis last blog post..Our Sierra Mountain mini-vacation~

  6. A Cowboy's Wife says

    Yes, marriages can fail due to lack of sex….there are statistics to prove it. BUT, I didn’t mean for this to sound like it’s all about the sex factor…I do apologize for that. And I didn’t say that ALL men are pigs…but many are meaning that sex is something that’s on their mind a lot.

    I didn’t say that marriage wasn’t a two way street either. I just said that women by nature are the caregiver whether it’s in regards to children, friends, or husbands which means we are the ones that usually have to give a little more.

    Yes, both parties should look nice for each other but my post is directed towards the women. Women do let themselves go and that’s a FACT. Again, these little things built are do drive men away. I know couples, so I have proof. It doesn’t mean I think it applies to EVERYONE which is what you are assuming.

    Finally, congrats on your 7 years. Unfortunately 7 years is a milestone these days. Thanks for your opinion and for saying it without go crazy on me:)

  7. says

    Men and women BOTH have needs, and the key is to realize that, find out what they are, and meet them. You have to have the desire to work on the marriage, because it is work.

    I’m not going to agree or disagree with you totally becuase you’re right on many levels (right, meaning, what you say is true in my opinion) but there is more to it than prettying up and having sex, although that is usually a man’s greatest need. He has to meet her needs, too, if the marriage is going to be fulfilling.

    My ex cheated, and we’re divorced, and I am remarried now, years later, so I speak with some direct experience on this matter. I think all couples should take a class or attend a seminar or at the very least, read a book on the subject before going into a marriage.

    Forgetfulones last blog post..August Declutter Challenge Days 22-31

  8. says

    I don’t think men cheat because of lack of sex in a marriage. If a man were a real man who respects the wife and marriage, he would first request counseling and talk, talk, talk to the wife about why there is no sex. Then a divorce would be the next and final step.
    IMHO men who cheat, will cheat for any reason at all… not having sex is just an almost perfect excuse. I can see wanting sex and wanting intimacy, of course…that’s natural, but cheating is not just about sex, it shows a lack of moral character, and a lack of respect for their partner. Also BTW, I am not religious, I am agnostic, so this is not coming from a biblical POV.

  9. says

    I respect the fact also, that we are sharing opinions and not being rude here~!
    I had a long time B/F cheat on me before, and lack of sex and not looking pretty were not the issue at all. There was plenty of sex and I like to dress up…

  10. says

    a lack of sex is not an excuse to go out and cheat. the sex part can be worked on. it’s the lack of communication that’s the issue. if you’re not telling the other person what’s wrong, and the other person is not willing to listen, then that’s where it will go bad. everyone, whether it’s a husband or wife, has control over the decisions that they make. if things are so bad, then it’s time to have a talk. but if you wait and wait, it will be eventually be too late. this DOESN’T mean you need to go cheat. that will never fix it, and unless you figure out what went wrong in the relationship in the first place, history has a way of repeating itself.

    i say that men always thing they’re right. i have yet to find a man who admits he’s wrong or will readily admit it including my husband (though he has admitted to being wrong..just takes him a moment lol). here’s my thing ‘guys always think they’re right, and women just let them think they’re right’ marriage, or any relationship really, is composed of what i call the 3 c’s…commitment, compromise, and communication. without these, it’s bound to fail. and yes, sex plays a part, but it’s not what’s going to end a marriage.

  11. says

    Just wanted to say that I agree, with somethings you say, and some I don’t. Good on you for having the guts to share YOUR opinion. My Mum and Dad were married for 20 years and when it eventually came out that he was cheating on mum, things fell into place and other stories came out of the wood work. It turned out he had been cheating on her the whole 20 years of their marraige. I just wanted to say he has had several partners since mum and has cheated on ALL of them. Surely ALL those woman aren’t doing it wrong? I would also like to say that the men that do this are totally unaware that they are not only cheating on their wife or partner but they are cheating on their kids too. I love my dad because he is my dad but I will NEVER trust him again and I have little respect for him now. It is VERY hard to love someone you don’t trust or respect!
    I appreciate your opinion and it was good to read someone elses perspective on things!!

    Becs last blog post..Haven’t they grown!

  12. says

    p.s. cheaters will always make the innocent party feel like it’s their fault. it assuages the guilt. i’ve always hated that bit about it. no one ever deserves to be cheated on. i don’t care what goes on in a marriage. no excuses. people just need to take responsibility for their actions. btw, i gave my ex all that he needed physically and was there emotionally…he just has a pattern. we got together when he & his first x sep after 5 mos of marriage (not smart of me i know. i was young and foolish, but i have two great girls!)then during our sep before officially divorcing, he got back w first x wife. soon as he and the first x split up again, he was w another woman, w/i 4 mos of their dating, she got pregnant. i know darn well he was seeing her before he and the 1st x split up. he also cheated on me. swore nothing happened except for phone calls (this was to a 17 yr old girl, too), i trusted and stayed w him, we bought a house, and there we were until he decided to leave 2 yrs later. i loved him w all that i had, but it wasn’t good enough. he needed everything to be bigger and better (read: more money). so each of us had more money than the other at some point and time. current gf pretty much ‘keeps’ him, and my ex has started treating our girls like 2nd class citizens. and if you think i sound mad? heck, yeah, i’m mad. LOL BUT, i can’t control what he does, only what i do.

    ciaras last blog post..Friends, Check Out My Bloggies…You Could Have An Award :)

  13. says

    I totally agree with you. I’ve been married for 8 years and we’ve been together for a total of 15. We just had our first child back in March, and so far things are going well. The key to our marriage is yielding to each other, not just the woman to the man but both ways. I do things he really likes (SEX!) and he does things I really like. We make time for each others’ needs and for simple things like hugs and complements.

    I can’t imagine not keeping up with my appearance, even just for myself. I feel so much better when I’m dressed nicely, but casually. I haven’t owned a pair of sweat pants since middle school and I intend to keep it that way. I think they’re the worst thing for women to ever wear. At least jeans can be sexy!

    Kathleens last blog post..Labor Day: Remembering Labor

  14. A Cowboy's Wife says

    Thanks ladies for you opinions and nice behavior about it…LOL. I’m glad we can all discuss how we feel about it!

  15. Chrystal says

    Let me give you some info on this topic, I was married for 16 years so I’ve got a little experience. It does take both the husband and wife working at a marriage to make it work.

    I think there are times when you don’t want to work as hard because you feel abandoned, taken for granted or maybe you just want to punish your spouse for something in particular. Now that I have this experience behind me, I can tell you what does and doesn’t work.

    Communication is so important. I couldn’t always communicate with him like I wanted. Why? I think part of me was afraid to be totally honest with him about some things because I was afraid of what he would think of me. Little did I know, that can be a huge turn on to a man both intellectually and sexually.

    Now that I’m in a great relationship of a year and a half, I strive to have everything in that relationship that I didn’t do right the first time around. That’s not to say that I did anything “wrong,” but I’m not going to sit here and say that I did everything totally right either.

    It’s really odd in retrospect, in my year and a half relationship, my boyfriend and I get along great! Do we agree on everything? Heck no! Yes we do things that drive each other crazy too but you know what? We have yet to have one true argument! How have we managed to do that? Let me tell you!

    When we talk, we have meaningful conversations. We share on all levels. I’m not worried about what I share anymore because I figure what I have to share is worth it and I shouldn’t be ashamed to share it.

    If you don’t communicate and you don’t have an intimate relationship in a marriage, how can it survive? One lady said something about a medical condition earlier. Well good gosh, I would expect a husband to “keep it in his pants” for a six week stint while activities had to be curbed. I know married women who haven’t “put out” in years. How they are still married is beyond me.

    In other words, share things people! And also have a healthy relationship. That’s what it’s all about!

  16. says

    “Oh don’t get me started on that matter. You are so totally right. I have to agree with you on every aspect of the matter. As far as cheaters go, not all cheaters are bastards as you well know some are female. Or should I say sluts. I too agree with the fact a women should have the house clean and supper ready when her man comes through the door. I understand sometimes it’s hard to have the house work finished and be dressed to the nines when he comes home but ladies give an effort. I know you probably think I am just too old fashioned. But what did you think marriage was about. I have been married for almost 27 years now. No my life has not always been a bed of roses. We have had our ups and downs. But we are more in love today then the day we met. And we look forward to each day together. Because we know what makes each other happy.And we never forget to say I love you.

    Bettys last blog post..Contest

  17. says

    having a clean house and dinner on the table for your man is way too old fashioned especially if BOTH work outside of the home. i don’t, and i’ll have dinner on the table most nights (won’t say every night…that would be a lie), do a majority of the house cleaning, BUT he’s gotta help, too. luckily for me my husband doesn’t care how i dress (always calls me ‘pretty’), isn’t yelling at me if i don’t have dinner on the table the instant he gets home, and he’ll do some of the housework if i ask him to.

    and as far as the whole ‘sex’ thing is concerned? that is one area my ex and i NEVER lacked in, it was just everything else.

    ciaras last blog post..Friends, Check Out My Bloggies…You Could Have An Award :)

  18. Anonymous says

    Whatever happened to asking a partner what they want in a relationship? I don’t think every man is thrown off by sweats, I think they’re more turned off when they don’t feel validated in a relationship.

    Thanks for posting this.