Previously on Finding Faith, I talked about my struggles with faith and whether or not God truly exists in my eyes. On the 3 hour flight to New York, I was able to finish the book I started called “The Case for Christ“.
When I first started reading the book on the plane, I noticed right away that the person beside me and across me were checking out the title of the book. I felt uneasy and, to be honest, I didn’t want them to think I was some religious freak…..I know that doesn’t sound nice, but that’s how I felt. As I reached the end of the book, I noticed myself so deep into the book that I didn’t even pay attention to anyone who was around. I was engaged with the evidence and the questions that were thrown at me throughout the book.
Now right away, the first thing I felt while reading the book was that I knew that I did believe there was a God but I still wasn’t sure that there was still a God. Comprende? My favorite thing about this book is that it gives you the facts, the hardcore evidence and not only shows you that side but also shows you a list of why you might disagree or not believe. Then, you are able to make your own choice based on what YOU believe, not what he believes.
Towards the end of the book, I wanted to cry. I don’t know why I wanted to cry but I think my heart truly wants to believe that he is still here and can help me. So anyways, at the end, Lee (the author) does this comparison that really woke me up and made me think. Here it is…….
I have always struggled with talking to God…I feel very uncomfortable and silly really but later in the chapter Lee says, “What have you got to lose?”. And the truth is, I don’t have anything to lose. I mean, it can’t hurt anything right?
So I get to NYC and have this amazing experience with such kind-hearted, very special women and have some personal moments from a few of them that made me realize that they believe in me and I mean truly believe in me. I could feel it. I often put myself down…it’s part habit and part how I truly see myself. I’ve experienced some unfortunate things in my life and have never felt “good enough” or deserving. Anyways, it was these ladies saying such inspirational things to me that made me realize, even if for a brief moment, that if they can believe in me, then I should at least try to believe in myself. For me, that means reaching out for help and putting faith, no matter how little it may be, into someone like Lee did with the police officer and like I’m doing with my friends and with the prayer.
On the plane ride home, I asked God for help. It wasn’t some well thought out prayer (if you even call it a prayer) or anything like that. It was a few sentences that were said under my breath…..that went like this:
God, if you are really there, I’m asking you to help me find you, to believe in you. I feel silly saying all this, especially on a plane, but if you are there, please help me to see you.
So that’s it………it’s lame really but it’s all I could think of saying without feeling like an idiot. And now I’m home, waiting for the next book, Lee Strobel– The Case for Faith, to arrive at my door.
I owe all the ladies I met in New York a great big hug but I especially want to thank Chris, Alyssa, and Arianne because it was them three that brought out that itty-bitty bit of faith out in me for me to even get this far.