For years and years I’ve struggled with my weight, as most of you probably know since I do write about it here. To this day, I pull at my shirt while walking around in my own house to “hide my fat”. I sneak an extra piece of bread or something just so I don’t get any looks from my family that convey “another piece?”, not that they would ever do that because they wouldn’t. I’ve sat in the dressing room having a 5 minute cry because everything I tried on didn’t fit.
And now I’m starting new habits where I’m embarrassed to be buying that fountain Dr. Pepper, even though I can’t live without it. I’m worried that the person in the seat next to me will be thinking I’m taking up too much room, even though those airplane seats are really small. I wear a jacket even when I’m hot so that I can occasionally let my gut relax, hopefully without anyone seeing and just long enough to let that muscle relax for a minute before I start sucking it back in.
I’ve had some amazing conversations where *I* end up being the focus because of my weight. It wasn’t until the last two recent ones I had, that opened my eyes a lot. The first one being with the fitness consultant I met with while staying in CA recently. I had the awesome opportunity to meet with a fitness consultant (Michael) at the Four Seasons Hotel in Westlake CA. This hotel is dedicated to health and wellness. It’s amazing and absolutely beautiful and filled with everything you can imagine to be healthy and relax.
Michael began by asking me a number of questions, in addition to the pre-questionnaire I filled out prior to my arrival. He was very nice and I could instantly tell he “got it” and “got me”. Of course one of the questions he asked me was how much I wanted to lose, what I thought would make me happy. I immediately said I’d be happy with with a 40lb weight loss, because I would. We got on the treadmill and he asked me what I was doing at home and explained the different things about the treadmill. I explained that I was jogging at 5.0 for 2 minutes, walking at 3.5 for 1 minute. He then had me get off, walk over the weights, where he gave me a weight in each hand. Yes, they were heavy. He was leading me around the gym, the spa, the pool only to lead me write back to the weights where I was breathing a bit more heavier than before, and said, “Do you realize you just walked around with the amount of weight you want to lose?” Wow. That was an eyeopener to me big time! “Now can you imagine how that extra weight could hurt your knees while jogging, particularly when you’re not conditioned to workout?” It was a silent moment for me; a moment that I realized just how heavy that 40lbs really was and the fact that it was on me and shouldn’t be.
We headed back to the treadmill where he we did an exercise to test my heart rate, without getting it up too much. And what he showed me was pretty cool because it had never occurred to me that I could do it without jogging or feeling like I’m about to pass out. He had me start walking at 2.3, then 3.0, then 3.5 with no incline, then 3.8 on a 7.0 incline where he could see I was breathing harder. And then he said, “That’s where you need to be when working out. You don’t need to be jogging yet. You can burn the same calories on this incline as you would if you were doing the other.” wow, just wow. While it was plenty enough to have me breathing hard and have burning calves, it was making my side hurt bad or making me feel dizzy like I do when I jog. And then I realized that with the Smart goals we discussed, I could do that.
T -time frame
He asked me to create smart goals for myself using all 5 of those. Here are my Smart Goals:
- I will drink a minimum of 2 full glasses of water a day, which is 2 more than I currently drink, at least 3 days a week for two weeks.
- I will walk on my treadmill for 30 minutes 3 days a week for 2 weeks.
- I will take 5 minutes to write down my feelings for the day, everyday, for 7 days.
Now you may look at it and think, “gosh, those don’t seem like much.” but the fact is, they are, for me at least. I don’t drink water so instead of trying to do away with soda, I’m forcing myself to add water because some is better than none. The same with the treadmill. Some, is better than none.
Because of the second discussion with man #2 (aka SS from the airplane), I realized that I have a lot of emotional baggage that is keeping me from being successful, which is why I’m writing my feelings down as one of my goals. He spoke very natural to me and in a nonjudgmental way that comforted me. It was a 3 hour flight that flew by with deep, thoughtful conversation. He helped me to understand that 5lbs at a time does matter, even though it seems like the end result might seem unattainable. He shared stories with me of success that were inspiring. He was inspirational.
I realize that I have to let go in order to heal and that’s what I’m going to do. Just like the above smart goals, I vow to heal my body & mind, starting now.