My Walk, with God

For years I have struggled with my Faith.  It’s been a spiritual and mental battle with myself that left me with anger, lots of questions, and a never-ending desire to be at peace.

This weekend, I took a Walk to Emmaus, a spiritual walk with myself, my sisters, and the Lord.   Those of you who have followed and know me, know what I must have been feeling as I was dropped off into the unknown, but I bet you’ll be shocked to know how it ended.

I never thought that my life could change so drastically within 3 days, but it did.  I had the opportunity to meet some amazing women and be wrapped in the arms of love by so many, many of which I never saw.  And while I’d LOVE to share my entire Walk with you, I won’t.  Mostly because if you’ve never experienced the Walk to Emmaus, then you’ll never understand how profound it can be but also because there were so many sacred moments that are meant to stay between them, Him, and me.

I gave myself to the Lord on Saturday, October 15th, 2011.  Not because it was the thing to do or because I was pressured (like I was many years ago).  I did it because I felt Him pulling me in and telling me it was time.  After asking forgiveness and telling God how angry I was at Him, I asked God to release me from that anger.  I asked Him to heal my heart, my body, and my mind.  In a matter of minutes, I felt this unbelievable peace come over me, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  For the first time, I felt like there was Hope; Hope for me to be the person I’ve always wanted to be…..need to be.

The 3 days had come to an end and there was a tornado of emotions running through me.  I was so excited to be going home, but also scared.   Would my family see the changes?  Would I be able to maintain the Holy Spirit in me in my everyday life?  And then I was leaving my Sisters, the ladies who had been my lifeline during this Walk, the ones that prayed for me, the ones that knew I’d find God before I even knew it

Tonight, as I sit and write this to you all, I know that I will continue my spiritual journey.  You might not see me take a mission trip anytime soon or volunteering to help with Sunday school, but I will be praying.  I’ll be praying until God tells me what to do next.

De Colores


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  1. 1

    I won’t pretend to understand what any of this has been like for you, but I’m glad you’ve found peace.

    • 2

      Sheena says

      I too am happy you have found peace within yourself. I can understand what it is like to want to be the person that you need to be. I took a retreat last month and was welcomed with opened arms by ladies that are like sisters to me. Sacred moments were had and a huge weight was released as well. Some fragments are still left, but it’s a journey.

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  3. 4

    Lynnae says

    Welcome to the fam! Praying for you as you continue to grow in Him!

  4. 5

    Debi says

    Once you commit yourself to Christ, be prepared for Satan to attack. After I was baptized several years ago, this was the advice a very wise mentor/sister gave me. Was she ever right. You will be tempted and tested, but keep faith and continue to pray fervently! Good luck on your journey. I pray that you are a part of a Bible-based church with tons of love and support. My church family means the world to me!

  5. 6

    Tammy Wood says

    Lori, As I went on my walk a year ago I to struggled with my faith. And yes you are right it us 72 he’s of unknown. But the best ever. I had mixed emotions about going. They were from “I could not leave my boys” to “I did not like going anywhere I did not know anybody” but as I got there and felt the love from each and everybody that was there to work or also attending the walk for the first time like me I knew my boys and myself would be just fine. I feel your sweet family will love you with open arms and have so much more love for you because you will be able to show them what it is like to have the faith. My your 4Th day be blessed.

  6. 7

    I have thought about you every minute of this weekend. I love you.

  7. 8

    Mitzie Johns says

    Lori…. I KNOW you KNOW that I’m setting here, just like I was this entire weekend, with tears flowing from my face!! WHERE DO THEY COME FROM????? lol I’m so proud of you!! You have no idea!! I’m so thankful that I got to be apart of this weekend with you and so many of our sisters in Christ! As I told you before, there are SO many that have been praying for you not just this weekend, but especially this weekend! Those same people are the ones you’ll have to lean on when Satan attacks… and YES he will!! But, those attacks can and WILL be defeated with Christ…. TELL Satan to leave..Get behind me!! And let those that love you carry some of the burden. Want to know what is TOTALLY awesome??? That peace you found can stay with you as long as 1) you leave the trash you left at Butman…at Butman and 2) you daily throw out the garbage! Sometimes that’s hard to do, but as with anything, practice makes it easier!! :) I made a binder out of the talks and letters I received while I was there…including some of the agape… and when I get down…feeling alone… unappreciated… I’ll pull out that binder and the gift of that weekend, gives all over AGAIN!!! Unbelievable. I encourage you to do the same. Hold on to the love that was showered over you from all of us but more so HIS LOVE!! I love you Lori!!! Your SISTERS have your back!! :) DeColores

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    Dee says

    I’m reading this with tears running down my cheeks. I’m so happy for you and so glad He answered the prayers of many said in your behalf. Having Christ in your heart is one of the most fulfilling things a person can experience. I felt like I was walking in a cloud up until I was saved. On that day my eyes and ears were open and I experienced the world in a different way.

    I didn’t notice any change in me but a few months later a co-worker/friend said I wasn’t as sarcastic as I had been. I thought I was still sarcastic but she said I wasn’t as hurtful with my words. I didn’t realize but God did make a change in me that others saw but I wasn’t aware of. It’s been 16 years and He’s still not finished with me but I now I’m in good hands as He works his miracles in and around my life

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    Brenda says

    Amen!…..Bless You!

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    Audrey McClelland says

    This post gave me goosebumps. You are one of the most incredibly people Lori… Love you.

  11. 12

    SO super happy for you! :)

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    Ollie Monroe says

    I am so happy for you!! I remember! I know you can never express the awesome feeling, its to great and special.
    I can’t wait to see whats to come, because only amazing things come from someone that has put away their burdens and is living with their light shining bright! Love you girl!!!!

  13. 14

    Lauralee Hensley says

    I’m so happy for you. It’s nice when you feel and know that the Lord’s presence is there with you. It’s nice when you feel his leading to help you forgive those who have brought pain into your life. The Holy Spirit has talked to my soul on more than one occassion. He can help you protect others in your family if you listen to his heeding on those occasions.
    I’m so glad your walk has come to the point in the journey where you have found the one you can always rely on.
    No, he won’t be making life a fairy tale, but if you pray and wait for the answers to prayers before making major decisions in your life, you’ll be less likely to make mistakes, in my opinion.
    God Bless You and Yours Always.

  14. 15

    Jennie Dodd says

    Lori, I was so blessed to read your entry regarding the Walk. God is so good! And He has His own perfect timing! I know He will continue to bless this decision and will be with you always…and we as your Christian sisters will be there for you as well. I will continue to be in prayer for you as you return to the “real world”. I know you have an amazing church family to support you, and know that I will always be here if there is anything you need. I hope to see you soon, Jennie Dodd

  15. 16

    yep another sister here and I have your back too, have prayed for you over the years, I could see your sincere heart searching for that peace, He will never leave you. I am soo blessed to read this. Congratulations on the best decision of your life dear friend!

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    Vicki Foust says

    Oh my cow Lori!! Yes, I am sitting here with tears running down my face too! Best decision indeed!! I couldn’t be happier right now!! I want to tell you that I have always admired the role you play in your home as the committed wife and passionate mom that you are! I have always known that you have a passion for the people that God gave you to take care of. I know that now you are going to be an even better mommy and wife to those same people. I am so excited to hear your story and you blessed my socks off! I saw God’s light shining all over your face Saturday afternoon and thought that must be what had happened! I am thrilled that GOD HAS HEARD OUR CRY! We have been been praying for you and will continue to pray WITH you now as your journey with the Lord begins! He is good. He has great plans for you and the best is yet to come!! I love you girl!

  17. 18

    Christi Fraley says

    Tommy and I are sooo excited. It was so amazing seeing your life transform before our very eyes! God is so great. We will be here for you…
    Love you!

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    Katie says

    Lori! This is sooooooo incredible! I prayed for you last time you wrote about God on my site, and God is soooo faithful! :) He has been pursuing after you because He loves you so much and has such a great plan for your life!

    You don’t have to be worried or anxious for anything, the best thing in the world has just taken place in your life! REJOICE! :) If you have any questions along the way, feel free to email me! xo Katie

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    Andrea says

    Your name popped up in my sidebar tonight on twitter and I saw this. I’m happy for you.

    • 21

      A Cowboy's Wife says

      Thank you Andrea. It truly was blessed, profound experience for me and has produced some major changes in my life. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.

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    Hannah says

    I’m an atheist, and I go through the same trials as well. Hardships, doubt, everything. But there is no god in my life, nor do I want one. I feel like spriitual people are constantly looking for god in everything, when really, it’s just life happening. Some people are just luckier than others. I see no difference in the lives of my atheist and spiritual friends: one is just more blissfully ignorant than the other because they live without the fear of death that plagues the weak. There is no peace in eternal life: It would suck to never die. I am comfortable facing the nothingness of death. Once you find that comfort, god no longer matters. It’s just an ancient myth perpetuated by men seeking power, anyway.