No, I’m not pregnant, just fat!
For those of you who meet for the first time at Blogher, I’m not pregnant, just fat! Why am I telling you all this? Because the other day I went to Cato to shop for some clothes. Now everyone knows that half of the Cato store is for bigger gals like myself. This also happens to be the half I was shopping at. I was trying on some clothes when the old hag behind the counter said, “Hun, how many months pregnant are you because that dress just doesn’t hang right?”. Completely humiliated and ashamed, I put my original clothes on and left the store.
What should I have done? Should I have went along with it and said, “Oh, I’m about 7mths along.”. Or should I have said, “Zero freakin’ months lady!”. This has happened before so I should be used to it but I’m not.
The bad thing is, all the clothes today look like maternity shirts. With part of it cupping your boobs and the rest flowing as if I really were pregnant. I couldn’t even find a dang shirt that was normal. So it’s either be in style and look pregnant or look like crap and fat.
A word to the old lady behind the counter and any of you other employees….
If you see a fat girl shopping in the plus size section, think twice before you ask her if she’s pregnant or not!
Since I’m such a fan of personalized gifts, next time I’ll just get a shirt that says, “No, I’m not pregnant, just fat” so noone will mistake me for being pregnant.
I feel for you and have had the same issues with nosy sales clerks. I will usually follow up a snide remark by saying it would be impossible since I cannot find anyone to have sex with due to beng single with two kids on the autism spectrum.
That will shut them up and bring on looks of puzzlement. Good luck
Bonnie Sayers (autismfamily)s last blog post..Books On Feelings for Kids with Autism
LOL…I guess that’s one way to shut them up. I really like the store but when you come across employees that do that, it makes you not want to go back in there:(
Oh Lori! From one “Fat girl” to another – BIG HUGS! I would have cried right on the spot. And what’s up with making plus size clothes look hideous? Why cant we have stuff that fits well AND looks good regardless of what the trends are? It just doesn’t make sense to me. We should start our own line :)
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Ooooooh we should totally start a clothing line for bigger women that actually looks good and not pregant or old timey!!!!
I would have responded, “Does your HR have employee training in tact? Because I think you were sick that day.”
I’ve had the same thing happen. Whether or not a person is pregnant is not their business. She could have simply said that the dress wasn’t flattering your figure. (Blame the dress, not the body, people!)
Antonettes last blog post..I Am Not A Slacker…Promise!
LOL… actually – almost 20 years ago I was an 18 year old newlywed living in Southern Cal and working as a leasing agent, complete with wearing the uniforms that made people mistake us for flight attendants. One of the men I was showing an apartment to gave me a wink and asked how many months along I was and guessed 5.
Gulp.
I was about a size 7 or 9 juniors at the time and uh, not pregnant.
But I’ve never (ever) forgotten it or how awful that made me feel.
meritts last blog post..My Sunday Mornings Have Gone to the Dogs
Amen Sister, Amen!!
I’ve got a little more on top though so it balances me out…. unless I lean backwards. heehee
Laura @ Laura Williams’ Musingss last blog post..Just a couple more hours to get your submissions in…
Lori, what I would have said to that person is not printable. However, even though I’m not overweight (just 42 and gettin an unusual weight distribution in my middle)…..these darned ‘fashionable tops’ do not flatter ANYONE who is not a size 2 and an A – B cup size.
Do you have any contacts who could sew tops that you could pair with your bottoms + some capris? What do your shoes/hair/accessories look like? Often its all in the details.
Sister, I feel your pain. Clothes today just plain suck. May I suggest getting to know a taylor? I think your response of leaving without spending any money was the very best choice.
MAYBELLINEs last blog post..POTHOLDERS
That person obviously has no sales sales traing or customer service! I am sure she is ensuring loads of return customers…not! What a horrible experience! I’m sorry you were put in that position. As a former Retail Manager, I could not imagine saying something like that or one of my employees doing so. As for where to shop, nice clothes really are hard to find, and getting worse. Have you tried looking on line?
happyathomes last blog post..Classic Blueberry Muffins
So I’ve been waiting for that to happen b/c I wear those flow-y type shirts (they hide the gut better). That’s why I have refrained from shopping since I’ve gained weight. Ugh.
Oh Lori! I am so sorry that happened to you! What a bunch of idiots! I do hope you find something comfortable and cute to wear to the conference. Regardless of what you wear, just have fun, be yourself and it’s all good sista. My internet may be down for a few days this week, so I just wanted to wish you a happy journey and to tell you I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Blessings to you my friend!
Meg
Megs last blog post..Have A Glass Of "That Little Black Dress"
Oh God, that’s always a nice thing to hear! I’m stuck wearing all those clothes too! Just so you don’t feel alone, yesterday at the aquarium gift shope after the kids bought their junk my hubby was paying for the couple stuffed things I got for the baby and the lady said how old is the baby my hubby said 5 months , she said how sweet is this your first grandbaby? OMG ! So my 33 year old hubby looks like grandpa so that must make me his fat old grandma wife!
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This has happened to me, before I lost 60 pounds! I had just had my son and he was only three months old. I was holding him and walking around the baby section of a store. It was fall so I had a big sweater on too! Well, this lady, out of the blue, came up to me and asked when I was due! Mind you I had my son in my arms. I just starred at her for a second and then said, “Three months ago, thank you very much!” I walked away and mumbled not so nice words under my breath. The nerve!
Look, people are all sizes dammit and unless you have a watermellon sticking out, like no other, don’t ask a lady if she’s prego! It’s rude! Fat or not Lori (which you aren’t) it was rude of her. You need to be like Pretty Women and go back in there!
Sommers last blog post..Get Naked
I would have cried. Then I would have gotten mad and contacted the manager. Grrr…that is so uncalled for!
Finding cute clothes is hard. I did find a few decent tops to go with jeans at Walmart. They have come out with a new style that says it fits without being baggy. We don’t have much of a selection in the town closest to us, but some friends found some cute things at Penny’s and Lane Bryant and Dillard’s in Lubbock when they made a road trip. I hate shopping for clothes! Alas, if I don’t want to go naked (that would be REALLY scary!), I’m going to have to break down sooner or later.
Hope you’re able to find some fun things Lori!
I just wanted to say I found the avenue clothes start at size 14 and go up and I do mean up. All the women working in the store are plus sized women and extemely friendly unlike so many of those other stores. I have ordered online from avenue.com there are coupons out there all the time for 25 % off and the clothes I’ve ordered come really fast in the mail. These are not tents ladies they sell top of the line quality fashionable clothing just in bigger sizes. I love this place and shop there every chance I get either online or at the store. We have 2 stores here in Dayton Ohio but I know they are national. By the way their shoes are to die for they have a special cushioning in the sole of the shoe your feet just sink into the shoes. I wish someone had told me about the Avenue years ago so I’m just passing it on.
sometimes people just don’t know when to shut the fugg up. sorry this happened to you.
Girl you know I feel your pain!
I’ve had this happen to me too and I’ve said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m fat and you should refrain from making assumptions.”
I’m with some of your other commenters. Maybe we should develop a team of plus sized women to give some of these clothing designers/buyers/whatever-ers some REAL feedback about what we want!
I’m sorry I don’t mean to laugh because it isn’t a laughing matter but the reason I am laughing is because I’ve been in your shoes before and it is totally humiliating. I wish I could say that I was as nice as you and just put my clothes on and walked out the door but I didn’t. I had some words for the sales lady & all that did was end up drawing more attention to myself and that just wasn’t pretty. People need to learn to just keep their mouths shut!
Tishia Lees last blog post..Move Over Low Self-Esteem, Hello Hot Mama
Ouch, I feel you. I just had a baby, so people see my son, and think, “oh, she hasn’t lost the baby weight yet.”
But a couple of months ago, my friend Rivster ( http://rivster.wordpress.com/ ) and I were at a fair in a booth, and someone walked up to her, and asked (with a big goofy grin on their face) if she was pregnant. She just grimaced, and replied, “Nope, just fat.” And then she muttered in an aside to me, “And I’ll be going back to the gym now.”
Channahs last blog post..Reason 8.015658140212735505073350356849e+43 I know he loves me
OHHHH me me!!! I have one that is so bad I just have to laugh! I was just out last week and this lady asked me when my next baby was due. I have used all sorts of replys but this time I just stared for a second and said “I am not pregnant” You will NOT believe what she says next…
her “are you sure?”
WHAT? Did I hear you right?
me “yes I am sure”
her “well you sure look healthy you must get plenty to eat.”
I was sooooo stunned I just stood there in total shock! I know I look preggy and I just go with it because like you said I can either look fatter or look cute and preggy. I choose preggy. I don’t have much choice. I just hate getting those comments and I get almost once a week! This last one was the last straw though, I am now working out and trying to count calories. ACK! People. Have a great trip
Shorty
Hey Lori!! I came to your blog from Mom Bloggers Club. I’m glad I did!! I’ve enjoyed reading your posts, but I could really relate to this one. I’m only 5′ tall and quite “chubby”. I’m happy being me, but other people really have a hard time relating to the fact that I NEVER want to be a twig. It’s probably a good thing it was you at that store because I would have had her job before I left the store!! I’m fairly easy to get along with, but I just can’t handle stupidity and rudeness!! ARG
And I’m so tired of the so-called “fashion” for big women. They think we should be ashamed and try to dress us like we’re ashamed. I’m sick of being expected to dress in bags. I can wear an 18, but I tend to pop buttons off the tops or overfill them. The fashion is fake ones that spill out, but as a mom, I try to at least have them covered!! SHEESH
I’ll join the rant with you, girl!!
Elaines last blog post..The Eyes Have It
People are so amazingly rude sometimes. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I have the opposite problem. I never looked pregnant, even when I was. I just looked crazy fatter, up til the day I delivered. I had a shirt that said “Pregnant, not just fat” and I wore it all the time. Somehow, it made me feel better.
Tara @ Feels like homes last blog post..Friday Fun – The brain edition
This just happened to me at a photocopy shop. I was waiting for my order to be done, while wearing a fabulous-and-currently-fashionable-yet-maternity-like top. The lady behind the counter asked me, “when are you due?”
“Huh?” I said. “What do I do?”
“When are you due?”
“Wah?”
“When are you DUE?”
“Oh, I’m not pregnant,” I said.
What was interesting was that the three men who were behind the counter with her gasped audibly. And one of them kind of savagely asked her, “When are YOU due?”
It was totally humiliating, nonetheless.
I laughed because I live this story on a daily basis. Well, I look pregnant. My weight after two kids is on my tummy. I can’t help it, no matter what I do my tummy stays with me.
While at the park with my kids and husband, I sat on a twirly thing with my daughter while my husband spun us as quickly as he could. I was running, going down the slide and having a good ol’ time at the park.
Well, a woman there asked as many months I was. HELLO? Would I be doing what I was doing if I were pregnant.
I told her I wasn’t pregnant and then she said really and started to laugh.
It took all I could to not say, “You shouldn’t be talking because you’re just fat and ugly. At least I’m just fat and I can change that, but you’ll always be ugly.”
I had never thought anything like that before…so I could tell I was upset. She laughed at me because I’m fat? I like to think that she laughed at me because she’s stupid.
I feel your pain. I really wish people wouldn’t ask how far along I am.
I always say I’m not, and I either get that “are you sure look” or the “oh, crap, I’m sorry.”
So, I need some good come-backs. Help me out. What are some good responses to people who need to mind their own business.
What’s the best comment you’ve said to that person who asked?
I am a teacher. Not particularly overweight…about a size 10. It just all goes to my stomach. Tonight, a student’s parent at curriculum night asked, “Now when are you due?” Totally mortified and feel terrible about myself.
To Raquel,
Don’t feel bad about yourself, feel bad for the parent that asked. My weight is all in my stomach too, it sucks. But, hey, at least all my weight is somewhere else like my feet, right?
I think I would have turned to the saleslady and been like “Excuse me?!” and then proceeded to tell her exactly how rude she was and ask to speak to a higher up. I would have humiliated her for humiliating me. How dare she say such a thing, whether or not she she thinks it’s unflattering or thinks you look pregnant – she should have just kept her mouth shut either way, it was very out of bounds. What matters is how you feel in your clothes and whether or not you personally like what you see when you look in the mirror. Completely agreed though, plus size clothing is hard to come by – it’s either ridiculously overpriced, looks horrid or dated, or they don’t carry our size. I’ve actually walked into a store myself once and couldn’t find the plus size section, when I asked a salesperson they told me that they just mixed it in with the maternity wear. People don’t seem to understand that just because we’re big, we still like to look cute/sexy/beautiful. How would the tables were turned and they went into a store that didn’t carry their size and a sales representative directed them to childrens wear or something? LOL
[...] By A Cowboy’s Wife • December 10, 2008 I get a lot of people saying, “You don’t look like you weight that much!” but the sad fact is, I do. Many times when I post pictures of myself, I cut just about every part of my body off that I can. But you’re about to see just how big I am. Did you know that I wear spanx constantly and that I even try to hide my fat, in my house, from my own husband? I sit a certain way, I pull my shirt way down, and I never let him see my get dressed. He’s very supportive and has never said anything about my weight except for, “You look good to me.” but it’s all in MY mind. Maybe I’m not 300lbs but I am still considered obese at the 190lbs at 5′5. And still get confused for being pregnant. [...]
[...] ol’ shopping excursion yesterday at Cato Fashions which if you recall, I was mistaken for being pregnant on my last trip. But not this time. This time I had a wonderful girl who obviously is way more [...]
Since I started working at an office, I’ve gained approx 50 lbs. I know I need to lose weight!! and to make matter worse just today, a friend that I had lunch with told me that some duded had asked him how many months pregnant I was? (the dude said he guessed I was 5 months since the last time he had seen me) That made me feel really bad at first…but now I say to myself I’m not going to make them feel better by putting me down!!People can be real cruel!
[...] I get a lot of people saying, “You don’t look like you weight that much!” but the sad fact is, I do. Many times when I post pictures of myself, I cut just about every part of my body off that I can. But you’re about to see just how big I am. Did you know that I wear spanx constantly and that I even try to hide my fat, in my house, from my own husband? I sit a certain way, I pull my shirt way down, and I never let him see my get dressed. He’s very supportive and has never said anything about my weight except for, “You look good to me.” but it’s all in MY mind. Maybe I’m not 300lbs but I am still considered obese at the 190lbs at 5′5. And still get confused for being pregnant. [...]