One Month, and I Love You Like Never Before…..

It’s been one month since my dad passed away.  It’s been hard to really grieve when there’s so much to be taken care of and I find myself in tears at the oddest times.  You spend the days after, full of regrets and wishing you had done this or that, if you had only known what was to come…..

While Bobby was not my biological dad, he was the only dad that was what a dad should be.  He’s always been there for me.  He made me feel smart and good about myself.  And in all the years he’s been in my life, I can’t even remember any unkind words that were said to me, not even when I was a horrible teenager who ran away to chase my future husband.   He is the reason I’m so tech savvy.  He bought my first computer and taught me how to use it.  We were both nerds at heart.

My biggest regret is not telling him how much I loved him and I’m finding that now, at this time, I love him like never before.  I feel like he’s around me and that he’s okay but I miss all the little things.  I miss him.  And as much as I hurt, I can only imagine how hard its been for my mom.   With all the signs that have been shown to her in the last month, my prayer is that she embraces them spiritually; that she can see there is another side and he’s showing her that.  She just has to believe, have faith, and know one day, we’ll all be fishing together again…..

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Comments

  1. 1


    Cat Davis says

    Sending you hugs! I’d love to tell you it gets easier but mostly (for me) it hasn’t … just different.

  2. 2

    xoxo Lori I am so sorry for your loss, and praying for you and your family.

  3. 3

    Oh Lori Girl…I completely get the marking the passage of time and my heart breaks for you. I know how I miss my Daddy. I miss him every single day and it has been 7 yrs since he died. I promise though, it does get better. The pain becomes less sharp, the torn edges of your heart become less raw and you love him even more…something I’d have never thought possible. There isn’t a day I do not wish he was here to talk to, to get a hug from, to have him do something that would make my Mom smile. Guess God needed him and Bobby too. You and your family are a wonderful reminder of all the good that Bobby did in his life. I know he is watching over you and smiling. Giant Hugs (and a choked up throat) and all my love,

    Alyson

  4. 4

    Lori, I understand your grief. When my Daddy passed away in 2000 (only 5 weeks after my father-in-law passed) I was just numb for a long time. With both of them passing so close together I think it was the only way I/we could to get through each day. It was hard to function and focus on normal task. It’s very normal to have some little thing trigger a hidden memory that will bring you to tears. I thought of it as grieving in bits & pieces . . . a little at a time. It does get easier with the passing of time but you will always hold him close to your heart and never forget him, He knows how much you loved him even without the words always being spoken. I believe that you feel his presence . . . he is smiling down from heaven and sending his love. Have faith that you will be reunited again someday. {{{HUGS}}}

  5. 5


    Caryn B says

    I so wish I could hug you right now Lori. And I wish I didn’t know the pain you feel….This time of year is always hard for me but I will say, the pain won’t always feel so impossible to bear….I think about my father often…the memories we shared and the time he had with my kids….I wish there was something I could say to make it better but I know that I can’t so know that I’m thinking about you…..

  6. 6


    Cindy says

    I know the feeling and am glad to see someone else “say” it, too. My stepdad was more of a dad than my biological dad, so his sudden passing in 1996 was devastating. I still think about him every day and use his memory to try to help me become a better person. I never realized how much I loved him, or needed him, until after he died. Now, all these years later, the good thing is that the good memories have taken over the sadness, and it has become easier to move on. That day will happen for you, too! Take care of yourself!!

  7. 7


    Melissa M. says

    So sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

  8. 8

    My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could take away your pain! It’s so hard losing those we love. My daddy and I were close, too, and it was hard losing him 19 years ago. We are blessed to have such wonderful memories of our daddies, and they will always be in our hearts! (I had a dream about my daddy earlier this year where I was giving him a great big hug.) Your family is in my prayers!

  9. 9


    Steph says

    I am so sorry for you loss. I so feel your pain. I lost my dad 3 years ago May 30, 2010. I had been a very hard 3yrs; I have learned to move on but I still once a month find myself in a funk until I realize what time it is; so I learn to keep moving but my heart, mind, body and soul still misses him everyday.

    Sending prayers your way for you and our family to get through this difficult time.

  10. 10


    Reba Harvey says

    You say you have regrets of not telling him you loved him. He knew how much you loved him and cherished him without ever having to say a word. When I lost my Father it was like a punch to the gut all the time for months. I lived close to my parents because my sisters had lives in other places, I took care of them like they did me. Doctors, new meds the whole 9 yards. I had time with my Father so much, we would just go riding around, he would have a beer or 10 and we talked about everything. All those hours shared comfort me now, because he taught me so much. I have had a 6th sense since I was 7 years old, I have visions of the other side where ever that is that dead people go to. My Father has been gone 27 years, each and EVERY TIME we are fixing to lose a loved one I see my Father and he talks to me and he tells me in advance of who we are losing.. When I told my sisters I’ve been talking to the dead they both knew something was fixing to happen not one time in my life was I wrong….I cherished those last years 25 years ago. I loved my Father and I made up my mind that i would never ever have a regret about losing my family, so I didn’t. I buried my whole family in the last 25 years, but I loved them all to to fullest, Took care of each one as they all died. My family was everything to me. Live now, make sure everyone in your life knows that you love them. Spend every minute possible with each one of them. When i lost my last sister I had no regrets with any one in my family. That makes me heart remember them with love and fondness for ever. I did my duty to my family and I have no regrets. I miss them so much I ache but I have to go on, I have 2 great granddaughters 3 & 1 I still have so much love all around me with my grand kids and the ggbabies. I’m so lucky to have them in my life. Love- Darling all you can. make memories each times you can. take pictures of all of them to cherish. Take a picture of your Fathers grave and grave stone, They will bring comfort I promise you. My heart hurts for you. momrebajane