So it was just New Year’s Eve when I announced on Twitter and Facebook that I had hit the 200 mark. I was shocked and disgusted with myself. I cried and cried and cried some more. I just couldn’t believe it. We all have that mark you know. The one that we say we never want to be at. Well, that was my mark. And as much as I love the nice words from folks, it’s not what I wanted to hear. That it would be okay or that I’m not that big. I am that big, it’s not okay, and I did fail. I let my peeps who support me down, I let my family down, and I let myself down. All I could think about is how my husband must silently feel..how he must look at me. He has always said that he doesn’t’ care about my weight, that I look perfect but there has to be a point where they notice and I feel it was now.
After taking a few hours to myself, reading some of the most inspiring emails, dm’s, and messages to me, I finally snapped out of it. I told myself that I have to do it. I can’t let myself get any bigger.
I instantly signed up for Weight Watchers, opened all my remaining Dr. Pepper’s & poured them down the drain, and got on the treadmill. I ran and ran until I got dizzy and puked which was stupid I know but I needed to do it. Yesterday I jogged for 20 minutes and today I burned 140 calories and jogged another 20 minutes. Well, I say jogged but first fast walked and then jogged. It felt good. Really good. I’ll be starting the Your Shape Workout soon and I think that with all the online support, I can do it. Maybe I can even find someone local to join up with once or twice a week. I need to figure out meals, food to buy, and how to handle the late night urge to snack. It’s a learning curve I know but once I get it, I’ll get it and be good at it.
I’m completely blown away by all the support and I feel more confident than ever that I’ll succeed with a little hand holding. If I can be there for you, please tell me and I hope that y’all will be here for me and each other.