Earlier this year, while driving to Galveston with some cool peeps (not as cool as me of course but ya know…) I started to tell a story that totally went another direction. Ever since then, it has been on my mind like crazy and so I thought I’d finally close that chapter in my mind and share it with you.
My blogging career began in 2007. I didn’t even know what a blog was but just wanted to make money because we were dirt poor. I did a ton of research that landed me in the affiliate marketing blogging niche. I got to where I did so well that I was flying out to Vegas for Blog World and hanging out with John Chow. Somewhere along the way (winning a flight & conference ticket to Blogher), I got in the mom blogging niche and it was awesome. During those few years, though, I spent HOURS on the computer. I did what it took to get invited to those events, hang with celebrities, and make $$$ per post. I worked hard from before sun up, to well into 2 and 3 in the morning. And then I got burnt out.
Did you know there was a time when other bloggers would come up to me, squeal with “it’s a cowboy’s wife”, and ask to take a picture with me? There were times when my name/blog was used in slideshows in PR meetings with brands because of my authenticity and personable writing style. There were times when I hung out with celebrities and rode in limos and stayed in fancy hotels and walked red carpets and so on and so on. I experienced it all with these incredible, awesome blogger friends who, I feel like, were so very humble. Seriously, we would blush at such moments of others wanting selfies with us. We also got the best laughs out of it. We’d crack up at each other saying, “ohhhhh, you’re kind of a big deal.” It was hilarious and all in fun because we NEVER, EVER thought we were a big deal. And for me personally, I hated to be the center of any kind of attention. Still do.
Fast forward several years. I was mentally exhausted. Heck, I was physically exhausted. I flew so much to events and conferences that I was given first class just about every time. THAT is a lot of flying y’all. I was going and going and writing and writing. I was sick of going and sick of blogging. I was tired.
I guess you could say I quit blogging for a while. I did enough to get by and have a few perks here and there but it wasn’t the same. Then life happens. Kids graduate, my dad died, we moved my mom up this direction, etc. Before I knew it, all my PR contact’s emails bounced back because there were new PR people now. I wasn’t getting any campaigns. I wasn’t invited to events. I felt like a new blogger, lost in a sea of big blog fish. It set me in a state of depression. I felt not good enough and purposeless. Is that a word? Anyways, I felt like I was starting over.
I look back and think wow, maybe I was kind of a big deal, even if in my own little world…..but now I’m not and haven’t been for some time and it’s quite humbling. I’m having to take those paid posts that other bloggers don’t want because it’s well below your required amount. I’m having to, on occasion, beg for work. I have to watch all my blogging friends continue to soar in blogging because they didn’t give up like I did.
I’ve had lots of highs and lots of lows and I try to tell myself that God has a plan for me. There may have been things He put in front of me, that I didn’t follow, that would have made for a much easier path, but I do feel like I’m a better person for having experienced all of it.
If you have followed me long enough, you have probably seen this storyline play out. If you’re still reading, thank you.
I’m still reading. I also started in 2007 and you were a lot of help. Thank you. I can relate to your feeling of being on top and now not so much. I’m there too but the dynamics and playing field is so different now. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re still amazing.
Aw Sommer, I love you! I hope you are well. I’ve always felt like you’d be amazing in anything you do. ;)
Yup. I completely get this. Of course I know I wasn’t the big deal you are even just the littlest bit close(!) but I know how you feel when you say “Life happens”. I know what it looks like and what it means to not get the invites or take a lower paid post amount. I remember my first BlogHer when people knew me as The Guilty Parent and would say the same thing, “you’re The Guilty Parent!” it was insane and wonderful.
And I think for many of those years I didn’t know what I want but now I do and it feels a lot better than being the big deal that I thought I wanted to be.
I feel like I don’t know what I want right now and I struggle for purpose. :( I do follow you and keep up with the happenings. I adore you!
Girl! You’ve been a big deal to me since I met you! Thank you for your honesty. God has some big things ahead for you and it is probably nothing like the plan you had set in your mind. He has a way of doing that. Just keep following after Him, my friend!
I’m still here, and I miss you, Mama! Honestly, I think a lot of us are feeling this way at this point. It was unsustainable unless you wanted to hire a team of people, and I’m over and done with that. So while I never backed off altogether, I have dialed it down several notches… I miss the fun events — but mainly because I miss seeing all of my blogging friends, not because I miss all the STUFF at all. I’m hoping we get to hang together in person again (soon)! xoxo
I miss you too. So very much. I’m just tired of all the rules and drafts and all that now. I just want to blog on MY terms again. I miss that part of it. Actually telling a story.
We need to set something up. Maybe a girls cruise!!!! :P
A girls cruise sounds fabulous!!! And the rules and drafts and ridiculous requests after you’ve turned everything in according to the campaign brief are nearly breaking me, too. I actually had a rep come back yesterday, a week after I turned in the draft, to tell me that the brand prefers their sandwiches cut in half instead of on the diagonal. Sorry, not changing it when it wasn’t in the original ask — unless you want to pay me for my time and repurchasing all of the ingredients!
OMG. THAT IS CRAZY!! It’s gotten out of hand and has completely taken away from our creativity and authenticity when writing. It’s no fun at all. blah.
I totally agree!
I’m proud of you for saying something. The ones that hide it all don’t help anyone, especially themselves. You’re taking a step to move forward and also let others know that these things can happen. Putting yourself and family first, are so much more important! Praying for God’s blessings. :)
I have followed you for years. I knew you were struggling with depression. I could tell you were burned out by the infrequency of your post, and also the quality of them. I have prayed for you to find your way in the past, and I will again. That may sound weird to you, but even though you are a virtual friend, you are a friend no less. Your blog has helped me get through some dark days myself. Life is a journey. There will be valleys and hills and beautiful sunrises, but also storms that shake us and send us off track. So hang in there, find a way to gas up and recharge! Keep on traveling, because I know for certain there are beautiful things ahead! (((Hugs)))!!!
Oh gosh…words I totally needed to hear. Thank you so much for taking the time to say them to me. I greatly appreciate the encouragement! <3 Much hugs and love to you!
“Sic transit gloria” — has happened before, will happen again.
You were (and are) a big deal, my dear. I totally remember meeting you and vividly recall the time and place. I am thrilled to discover the exact image I was remembering right there in your collage, realizing you remembered too. That’s pretty cool.
You didn’t realize how much of an impact you made on those of us who looked up to you (and still do). You are among a list of people who are my blog idols… and will be long after you and I both stop blogging.
If you want to get back up there, you will. You had determination before and I’m sure you’ll apply it to the max again, if that is the direction you want to go. Just tell yourself, “You did it once and you can do it again.” Good Luck for whatever your decision may be. God Bless.
Love you Hun. You will always be “Kinda a Big Deal” to us!! You are amazing!!!
I’m pretty much in the same boat. I keep up, but I made the decision to go back to the corporate world as an HR Manager. I’m starting my Master’s in January, but I’m still plugging away on an occasional campaign. However, it’s nowhere near what I used to do and I’m kinda glad to have time for my family and myself now. It’s something you don’t get when you are a successful FT blogger.
Chin up!
You’re still “a big deal” to me. I love getting your emails! In fact, the other day I was trying to remember the title of your blog when I first came across you. It wasn’t A Cowboy’s Wife Writing for the Brand. Can you remind me? Thanks! And keep writing because I am always inspired by your words.
Don’t let the popularity of the day affect your self worth. Easier said than done, but really, you cannot allow the blog stats to dictate your mood. I was one of your readers back in the hey-dey. I think I might have even won one of your giveaways. Culture is an ever-changing thing. Don’t let your identity come from what other people think.
I remember what that felt like, the burnt out part. The best thing I ever did personally was close up shop and live in the moment with my family. Financially it sucks big time but it’s nice to have that mental break.
You are and have always been my favorite blogger. Taking care of yourself isn’t giving up, in fact, it’s the opposite. You did what you needed to do for yourself, for your family, and for your community. And that’s exactly what we all expect from you — genuine and kind. Thoughtful and real.
Awww sweet Jessica. I miss you so! Boy what a beautiful bride you make. Goodness gracious, stunning is probably a better word.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m trying to figure out if I got in me to plow through 2018 with this whole blogging thing. I’m thinkin’ I’m gonna try. Love you always!