Several days ago, I was told, by a friend, that my silence speaks volumes on where I stand and that I should use my voice to stand against the injustices of what’s happening in our country today.
- Did you know that when I was in high school, a student came up to me out of the blue and punched me in the face, laughed, and walked off?
- Did you know that, on a regular basis, several girls always bullied me in school?
- Did you know that when I was in high school, a coach constantly made fun of my weight in and out of gym class?
- Did you know that a man raped me?
- Did you know that I was sexually abused by a man? The same man that beat my mom and locked me in closets when I was little?
- Did you know there 2 girls that always made fun of my clothes?
- Did you know that I saw guys, at a party, try to rape a girl?
In all my years of sharing any of these incidents with people, not once have I mentioned race. But since you’re persistent in making it about race, let’s try this again.
- Did you know that when I was in high school, a black student came up to me out of the blue and punched me in the face, laughed, and walked off?
- Did you know that, on a regular basis, several Hispanic and black girls always bullied me in school?
- Did you know that when I was in high school, a black coach constantly made fun of my weight in and out of gym class?
- Did you know that a black man raped me?
- Did you know that I was sexually abused by a Hispanic man? The same man that beat my mom and locked me in closets when I was little?
- Did you know there 2 white girls that always made fun of my clothes?
- Did you know that I saw white guys, at a party, try to rape a girl?
You don’t know my story, the injustices bestowed upon me, just as I don’t know yours. I am not naive to the ways of the world and the racism that exists. I’ve seen it first hand through my diverse group of friends, but y’all, I don’t see color. Having suffered a great deal at the hands of more than one race, how could I?
I am half white and half Hispanic, married to a Hispanic man. I am not some white privileged girl like some of you may have thought. I refuse to apologize for being white, in any way. I am not my ancestors. I am not the hate that is in today’s world. Despite those hardships from multiple races, I treat all people with kindness & compassion because that’s how I want to be treated. I choose to love and extend grace. I choose to take every opportunity to understand why someone might be the way they are. I can only control my thoughts, my heart, my words, and my actions and hope to be the best example possible to everyone.
I know what it’s like to have hate in my heart. A heart that is so hard that it had every right to hate all races. But I also know that love is the only thing that has ever healed the hurt in in my heart……God’s love. Did you know that in all those instances mentioned above, nothing was ever done. The justice I got, was salvation and a forgiving, loving heart. That’s better than anything I could ever have asked for. I stand with God and the greater good.
So yes, I guess my silence does speak volumes, but not for the reasons you may think.
I think it is just the “IN THING” to call all people that aren’t black subconsciously racist right now. It helps make people less accountable for their actions. I’m not racist. My Dad made sure of that when we were growing up. However, I did see first hand some verbal racism on the part of my Maternal grandmother when I was growing up. She’d say bad things about Hispanics and blacks both. My mother would never stop her, but she did not believe in the things her mother said by any means. We only saw our Maternal grandmother and grandfather one or sometimes two weeks out of every other year. My Mom would take us to visit them on the years we didn’t go and visit my Dad’s very poor family members down in Florida. My maternal grandparents lived in Colorado. My Dad had black and Hispanic friends he’d invite to our home. He did things for people of all skin hues, like electrical wiring or trimming their trees/shrubs, he’d do those outside of his regular job. He always told us you don’t know a person really until you’ve walked in their shoes. My Dad grew up dirt poor, but with a sixth grade education he brought himself up to being able to work as a foreman for the electric company of the city we lived in. I’ve worked with people of all skin hues and of all sexual preferences too and I only saw a co-worker in reality. I saw people as those who did their work or those who tried to toss their work onto others. I knew them by their names. I grew up and live in an area where it is mostly half Hispanics and nearly half white, then other races make up the difference. Believe me not all of the non-whites are poor. Most do very well for themselves here with many being much richer than whites. I have extended family members married to Hispanics. My niece is married to a nice, handsome gentleman who has a prominent business degree. My nephew is married to a beauty, warm-hearted woman who is a Pharmacist. I don’t see their skin hue per se’. I don’t really think as many whites are racists as the media is trying to suggest. I think their is a dark force within parts of our government (not all) and parts of the main stream media (not all) that wants this country divided and into a civil war, so they can call in the UN peacekeeping force to usher us into the global governance, aka new World Order. Call me a crazy conspiracy theorist if you want to, but I truly believe that the narrative is being stoked and I’m not taking that guilt on. I have never done anything against any one because of their skin hue. I have distanced myself from some people for things they were doing to me in the past, but it was because of the emotional toll on me that said stay away from that certain person. Besides why can’t you feel what happened to Mr. Floyd was wrong, but still feel that the destruction to business’ and other people being killed due to the rioting was wrong too. I always felt that two wrongs don’t make a right. It wasn’t just one skin hue that was in the destructive riots either. I’d like to know who made the brand new pallets of bricks available on street corners or streets where no new construction was going on? Those bricks were cleverly made available for protestors to become rioters to break windows on business’ and loot and destroy the inside and outside of business’. Many of those business owners did not have insurance against riots, so they’ll never be able to financially, fully recover, even if they take loans out from the government that President Trump says he’ll make available. Don’t take the guilt just because someone else thinks it is the “IN THING.” You have to be you and only you deep down know whether you have issues with the skin someone is wearing or not.
Well said! I’m definitely not a racist and I refuse to apologize. The world is going crazy.
Lori, I love your heart! You have a gift of words and thank you for sharing your gift with others. I am so blessed to call you family and friend! Love you, (Aunt) Jana
Also, I need you to change my email address to jana.bentle@gmail.com
Thank you!